I am going to stay off of Blogstream for awhile and regroup. The last few days I have had a very heavy heart. When I first came here I had been betrayed by two people that I once loved very much. It has happened again. I was welcomed here and felt loved. This is SUCH a warm and loving group and I felt as if I had "come home". We care about each other, I would even say that we love each other in many ways. It's not easy to get to know people here. Especially since it's so anonomyous. I trust people. I trust what they say and I suppose that all of us feel closer to some than others. I know that we have been lied to here recently. I just KNOW that. I wrote a letter to the person and told them that I was aware that they were not being honest and asked then to tell me why. No one owes me anything..even an explanation. HOWEVER, when I have been told something bad had happened to someone that I care about, I expect that to be true. Finding out that it's not is devestating.I haven't gotten a reply from this person. I don't think that I will. I don't know how anyone could justify doing something that bad. That wrong. To know that people here care and to take advantage of that is.... I can't even find the word. So... I have to figure out how to handle it when I care about people. When I beleive people. I don't want the actions of one person to destroy that in me. I need some time to pray and reflect. I will miss you all..

Hi all, I don't have much time to post tonight. The friend that I was worried about the other day? The one whose boyfriend calls other women?? She is marrying him Saturday. Several of us are going out tonight and celebrate.... Hey.. it's her life. Go figure???

There are times when I read something and feel a deep and lasting sense of shame. Not really shame for myself but for others. I feel shame and I feel embarrassment. There were hecklers at a ceremony when President Bush presented the parents of a Navy Seal killed in Afganistan with his Medal of Honor. Lt. Michael Murphy was killed when he gave his life to try and protect his fellow soldiers and his friends. There are many awards in the Military but when you see a medal of Honor, you know that whatever they went through was pretty bad. Some of the hecklers shouted that "he" gave his life for nothing. How could anyone that is ALIVE shout that at this man's parents. I personally think that if you volunteer for something that you BELIEVE in, that it's not for "nothing". You have died for your conviction, your ideal, whether the rest of the country agrees with you or not. I don't know how many of those people have been in places where democracy isn't present? How many? I have and it isn't pretty. In THOSE countries you can be executed for doing what these protestors did to this man's parents. I say the word "protestor' loosly there. I believe in Peaceful protest. I believe in anyone's right to agree or disagree with the War. What I DO not believe in is the further hurting of someone's parents or other family members whose heart is already breaking. At that minute Lt. Murphy's parents probably were not seeing him in his Uniform. I would bet that in their mind, they were remembering him as the little boy that liked to fish. The child who ran to his mommy when he fell and skinned his knee. The shy teenager that asked his dad for the car keys for his very first date. And MAYBE,, the young father that called his folks and said " you are going to be grandparents". I can't be sure. I wasn't there in thier mind. I pray that I never am. To know that your son or daughter, husband or wife is never coming home is unbearable. To know that his or her body may be resting in a foreign land is heartbreaking. But to have your pain further compounded by some idiot screaming that he died for NOTHING.... THAT is what makes me feel shame. They should too.

HI everyone. It is 4:22 AM and I can't sleep. I HATE insomnia. It may have something to do with those serial killer books that I read. I drift off to sleep and then BAM !! I wake up convinced that the latest crazed maniac is standing there looking at me. Now I realize that is highly unlikely. I have four dogs, Three of them Rottweilers. It's highly doubtful that anyone will break into my house or yard. I blogged about this a while back and got lots of wonderful suggestions. I tried the Melatonin that Bella suggested and it worked for awhile. I have tried amost everyting except hot milk. I HATE milk. it has something to do with growing up on a farm and seeing.... never mind. My insomnia is probably related to stressing about stuff too. Here is something else that is really bothering me.. A dear friend of mine has been in love with this guy for a long time. They have lived together and everything. This guy calls her AND other women. How tacky is that? What kind of woman KNOWING that he is sometimes living with someone else would Talk to him? I don't get it. My friend has stood by him through thick and thin and then these other idiot women hit on him. HE, being the childish prick that he is will call these women and then they get excited. It's a vicious circle starting with him. My friend deserves better. The there's money.. I HATE worrying about that. In my mind, I have money. I can travel and buy stacks of books. That's just in my mind though. I worry about Tucker and him not knowing his dad. Can't do a thing about that either. Well... it seems as though all this childish whining has made me sleepy. Night.. Night...

Don't read this if you are easily nauseated. I just saw something in the news that makes me cringe. It seems as though the very latest thing in weight loss in SANITIZED TAPEWORMS. That's right.. How easy.. swallow a tapeworm egg and get skinny. That may actually work until you get sick. Really sick. I don't know how many of you have ever seen a tapeworm from a human but it's nasty. It makes me gag. When I first started nursing ( many years ago), a woman brought her son into the indigent clinic where I worked. I took her into a room and asked what was going on. She pulled out a jar and said " I got this out of ****** ( son's name) last night. She looked in on him while he was sleeping and saw this THING coming out of his mouth. She pulled on it and a FIVE foot( we measured it) tapeworm came out. We still had to treat him because tapeworms come in segments and there was probably much more still in him. A tapeworm is classified as a "cestode" and there are several kinds. Luckily, we don't have as many here in the United States as they do in poorer countries. When I did mission nursing, I would see these kids with stick thin arms and legs and big belly's. Most of the time, they were infected with tapeworms. Most enter humans the ame way that they enter pets. Through food. Undercooked pork, beef and fish. ( which is why you will NEVER see me eat Sushi. I've seen the results). The adult worm absorbs nutrients from the host so they have no need for a mouth or digestive tract. Dogs and cats have tapeworms that grab on with suction cup like mouths, called BOTHRIA. Symptoms in humans CAN include upper abdominal discomfort, diahhrea and loss of appetite. ( hence the new sanitized version). Sometimes though, there are no symptoms. Most tapeworms grow between 15-30 feet long with one that was 59 feet that came out of a woman in Africa. There is an old wives tale that says if you suspect a tapeworm in your child ( or anyone), you can wait until they are asleep and hold a piece of cooked cabbage in front of their mouth. The tapeworm will smell it and crawl out. Who knows? That could be true. Remember the segments though? You would still need to be treated. Luckily treatment is just one or two pills and that's it. Well friends, now that I have made everyone sick.... Just remember. this all started because I read an article for idiots...