Tucker turned three months old yesterday. A beautiful little boy that is already acting inquisitive. He doesn't know that he was created out of love quite yet but he feels his mothers love, I'm sure. He won't ever know his daddy because he chose to be absent from his life. Tuckers mother always thought that his father was "a good daddy" but she was wrong. She was wrong about a lot of things in regards to his daddy. There was a time that she thought that he was the most wonderful man in the world. She will never understand how a man can have a child and just leave. Walk away from it's life forever. Never be able to see his first tooth come in. Never to hold his hand as he walks into school for the first time. Never to be sitting on the bleachers in the hot sun as Tucker swings his first little league bat. Never to teach him how to drive a car or hold him close as he cries about his first broken heart. I think that Tucker will be tall. I hope that he is tall enough to stand above a crowd. Tall enough to do the right thing... always... I hope that he is kind and learns that a woman is a precious thing, never to be used. I hope that he will be a champion for animals, the homeless, the unfairly judged. I hope that he will be happy but have enough pain to be compassionate. I hope that he will learn the wonder of words. Of stars in the sky. Of a clear running creek on a hot day. I hope that he will be the man that his father isn't. I hope...

Thomas Merton 1915-1968

Thomas Merton was a Trappist Monk and was called "the Conscience of The Peace Movement of the 1960's." He supported a nonviolent Civil Rights movement. In 1968 he met the Dali Lama who said that Merton had a more profound understanding of Buddhism that any Christian that he had ever met. In 1968 In Bangok, Thailand, Merton was accidently electrocuted when he stepped out of the bath tub. One of Merton's most famous writings has been called simply "Merton's Prayer". It is from his writing "Thoughts in Solitude". When I am down and seem to be floundering, I read it over and over. It makes me feel not so alone.
Mertons' Prayer

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot see for certain where it will end. Nor, do I really know myself and the fact that I think that I am following you does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you, does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may be lost and in the shadows of death. I will not fear for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Hi friends, I have a BAD case of the Blues and am taking a day off to just reflect and withdraw from the world. Take care of yourselves and see you soon.

Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken winged bird
That can not fly.
Langston Hughes

I think that is one of my all time favorite quotations. I think about my dreams. Dreams for my life. Dreams that I don't know that I will ever accomplish. I'm sure that we all have them. Things that we want to do. Places that we want to go.. I think that it is inherant in people to want "something". My dream is to live in the West. In the shade of a mountain. I know that there are mountains elsewhere, But I want THOSE mountains. I seem to feel a sense of peace there, a sense of belonging. I want to live in a small cabin with a woodstove. I want to watch the sky become purple as the sun goes down. I'm not sure if I will ever achieve that dream. Something seems to always stand in the way. Money, a new addition to my family, not wanting to leave my mom here alone, something.... But I won't EVER give up on that dream because I look at that quote hanging above my desk. I want to fly... Do you have a dream ?

I am a Southerner with all that entails. Whenever a Southerner is on the national news, we are portrayed as rednecks, racists and idiots. That is not the south that I love. We say grace before our meals and go to church on Sunday to thank the creator for enriching our lives.
We revere our old people, listen to our histories and always, always call them maam or sir because they have earned that respect. Most men still pull out chairs for women here. WE have fought in a war that divided the country and brought together the races. We have become kinder, better people for having done that. We slam on our brakes on busy roads to rescue an animal that is in danger of being hit by a car.We open doors for people and smile and talk to strangers. We read books sitting on blankets under live Oak trees with a symphony of frogs and crickets to keep us company. We pull our cars over when a funeral procession passes and take food to the grieving familes. Mostly though, we have learned from years of stereotyping to forgive and ask for blessings on those that don't understand us ,and we welcome them into our homes and hearts when they DO come, to see for themselves the kinder, gentler way of life that is passing them by.