Ruth Graham died yesterday at home surrounded by her husband and five children. She had been bedridden for several weeks and recently had pneumomnia. Just a few days ago, she requested that her feeding tube be discontinued. She slipped into a coma two days ago and died peacefully. Ruth was the wife of evangalist Billy Graham. No matter how you believe and what your views are of the Christian God, I hope that you can respect them. When Ruth was a young woman, she wanted to be a missionary in China. Her father was a mission doctor in the Far East and she fell in love with that part of the world. She met her future husband Billy, when they were students and set aside her dreams to help him achieve his. I admire Billy Graham. He is one of the only famous evangalists that has never had a himt of scandal around him. He said " that early in his life, he made the choice to NEVER be alone while counseling anyone. Then, no one could ever start rumours about him". I think that was probably very wise of him. I saw him interviewed several years ago on the Today Show. Matt Lauer asked him what would be the very first thing that he will say when he meets God. Mr. Graham didn't hesitate when he answered. His reply was 'that he would apologize to God for not saving more souls". The humility behind that answer touched me deeply. I can't imagine what it would take to be the wife of a man that was always gone,that was always surrounded by many people, that was the confidante of all of the Presidents of the United States for many, many years. She must have been terribly lonely at times. She may have felt insignificant. She may have wondered if she was doing enough to support her husband. I think that she was. Billy Graham said yesterday, " I am more in love with her now, then when we met 65 years ago." Now, THAT is a love story. In a world full of Paris Hilton's, Brittany Spears and people like that, a good and humble woman has died. She had my respect. I think that when she slipped into her coma, that she got a glimpse of heaven and what awaited her there. I think that the angels must have paused in thier singing to welcome her into the Gates. I hope so anyway. RIP Ruth and wait for your beloved husband to join you. I imagine that he can't wait.

Hi friends, I'm back. I just needed to get away for awhile. I feel some better. Ok, I have a confession to make. I smoke.... Way back when I was pregnant, I quit smoking but as soon as I had my son, I started back. I love to smoke. That's the truth BUT I realize that I am now a social leper and have to quit. I can't afford them and I know that I would smell better, let alone for my health. When I was nursing overseas in strange countries, EVERYONE smoked. It helped with hunger and it helped take the smell of death away. Sadly, I really became addicted to cigarettes.SO... A friend bought me a months worth of patches and I am going to slap one on tomorrow. Get rid of the nasty ashtrays, wash everything and start anew. I'll let you know how it goes. be afraid...be very afraid....

Hello friends, I am going to take a blog break for a couple of days. My mind is so full of the things going on in my life, that I can't even write anything of substance anymore.I'll be back soon. Take care..

Yesterday I turned on the TV and held my breath for a second. The news channels all had "breaking News" flashing across the screens. For a second I thought that there was another Terrorist Attack or something horrible like that. But it wasn't. It was Paris Hilton being sent back to jail. Seriously folks, CNN, Fox News, ALL of the major news stations were treating this like something of national importance. I worry about the American mentality sometimes. We are so obsessed with celebrity. I have to confess. I am guilty of sometimes buying People magazine and other ones like that. Why do I do that? Really...Why do I? I stand in line in the grocery store and try to sneak the magazines under the bag of potatoes so that no one will see them. I am embarrassed to be buying them. But sometimes I do. I'm an intelligent woman, but I buy trash rags sometimes. Yesterday brought the celebrity addiction home to me though. I DO think that Paris got special treatment . I did feel sorry for her when she was sobbing. She wasn't a celebrity any longer. She seemed like a lost, little girl. It made me feel bad that I was watching the TV. It made me feel bad that I was watching someone's pain. If she had been Mary Jane Smith from nowhere, it would not have been a big deal. No one would have cared and there CERTAINLY would not have been TV coverage of it. It served a purpose though. It made me realize that I didn't want to buy any more magazines...... Just don't look under my potatoes, when they are going down the conveyor belt.

My mind works in strange ways when I am facing adversity. I think that it is somehow trying to tell me that other people have faced far worse. Last night I dreamed about the Donner Party. They were a group of Immigrants that decided to go to California for a better life. In 1846 a group of pioneers in the wagons set out across the plains. They were led by John Reed ( it's when they separated In California that George Donner led the party that became infamous). As long as they were crossing the prairie, they could hunt and kill elk and buffalo. They also encountered Pawnee Indians who killed some of their party. For months they followed the "California Trail" without much trouble. These were ordinary people in the wagon train. Farmers, merchants, parents with their children. I imagine that no one would be quite prepared for that hardship. That winter they arrived in California and the party separated. Some of them thought that they could find an easier, faster route. They were unable to cross the Sierra Nevada Mountains because of snow. Some historians say that the winter of 1846-47 was especially wet, with snow depth of 22 feet in what is now known as Donner Lake. They ran out of food and even ate their oxen skin after they had devoured the ox. People began to die of starvation and the cold and they were eaten by the starving survivors. I tried to imagine being that hungry and couldn't. I couldn't imagine being that hungry. I can not fault them for doing what they had to do to survive. I would imagine that it was cold, cold beyond belief.I tried to imagine watching my children die of hunger and couldn't. They probably had the dead piled up in a corner somewhere. You couldn't bury anyone in that snow and frozen ground. It must have been a horror to finally make that decision. To cut a piece of flesh of someone that you had laughed with, shared a meal with, talked about the future with. To eat that flesh. To eat that flesh to survive. Someone in the party set out on foot to civilization and reached it. Rescue parties were sent out and the remaining survivors were brought to safety. A German- American named Lewis Keseberg was vilified for years because he spoke about having to eat human flesh. Accounts vary of how many survived. Some say 33 and some say 45. Either way, I bet that for the rest of their lives they thought about what they had to do to live. I am not a historian or even a very good writer. There are many accounts of the Donner Party and they are worth reading. It's when I think of them and I am whining, that I pause.. Pause and give thanks, and realize that I don't really have it that bad. I probably never will.