Merry Christmas my friends. I wish you Happiness this season, whatever you believe. I wish you love. I wish you happy memories. I wish you Peace. He came to bring us Peace. If only the whole world would join hands and join hearts. A miracle would be born AGAIN.

Hello Dear friends, Imagine feeling lonely and down and signing on to your blog, only to find all of these precious, wonderful and loving messages from all of you. I can't explain how touched that I feel. Today is the anniversary of my husband's suicide and this coming Monday is the anniversary of someone else that I loved very much who also died. December isn't the best month for me. It's true that time is a healer, but sometimes it's just not fast enough. I am slowly healing and remembering how very precious that life is. How very precious that real friends are. Friends like all of you. There will never be a way for me to repay all of you for the love that I feel from you. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for making me feel not so alone. Thank you for the gift of you. You are all so loved.

Hi friends, I just wanted to let you know that I will be gone for awhile. It may be a week, it may be a month. It may even be longer than that. I have so much on my mind right now. So much that I need to do. So much to think about. I need time to heal. I may take a trip. To Illinois. To Washington DC. To Acoma Pueblo at Christmas time. I may not. I may go see Kevin and show him that I never lied and then leave. I may just wrap my arms around Joel and never let go. I may read some books and write some letters. Real letters...with stamps. I may serve Thanksgiving Dinner at the homeless shelter. I wish that I could strap Tucker on a backpack and work on a reservation. I wish that I could see those Red Mountains in Arizona one more time and watch the lightening dance off the cliff. I want to see the purple sunset in New Mexico. I want to make amends to people and let them make amends to me. I am so aware of time passing by me now. The years slip away before I have time to grasp them in my hand. In my mind. I am in a differant place in my life now. A kinder place. A gentler place. A place to reflect and be grateful. A time to feel joy. A time to feel. There is so much that I haven't done. So much that I still want to do. Have a safe Holiday. Be grateful. Feel blessed. Make snow angels and invite someone lonely to dinner. Tell people that you love them. Hold them close. Tell them that you are sorry. Be safe. Take care.

I was thinking of Tucker's father last night and what a coward that he is. I CAN NOT imagine not wanting to know that precious little boy. He is smart and beautiful and has his father's eyes. How easy it is for that man to just pretend Tucker doesn't exist. To just pretend that he never knew Tucker's mom. Tucker's dad had a vasectomy BUT he didn't wait long enough for it to be clear. That's his excuse... The age old excuse for revolting men...." He's not mine".... I am positive that the day will come when Tucker's dad is older. He will feel his life slipping away from him. He will want to know, really KNOW who he left behind. And he will wonder about Tucker.... Does he play ball? Did he join the Fire Department? Does he have children of his own? Chances are it will be too late. He is missing out on the good years. Thank Goodness that Tucker's mom and her boyfriend are there for Tucker. He isn't without love and kindness... Like his father will be.... One day.. The cat's in the cradle.

Hi everyone... Happy Monday. Have you ever looked for something and found it right under your nose? That has happened to me. I know that I have driven all of you crazy talking about Kevin, who is the "love of my life". Meanwhile I have had a friend , let's call him Joel for about 25 years. We hang out, we go to church together, go out to eat. all the things that friends do. Last night he came over and brought me some things that he got for me in San Diego. He went to a conferance there. He is a shrink. I went outside to meet him and my heart did flip flops. It freaked me out. I realized that friendship has turned to love. I think that he has loved me for a long, long time but I always considered him just a friend. He has been there for me when my life turned upside down. He loves me with no make up, if I gain a pound or two. He loves me. He accepts me. He stands beside me. He would NEVER have done what kevin did to me. Never. He is a good and honest man. I am happy. I am in love and I wanted to share it with you... My friends.