Hi all, I'm back. I haven't decided what to do yet. It seems to me that if a man doesn't care about his child, then you sure can't make him. I could sure use the financial help though. It should not be my problem if it costs him his job. Perhaps it could be differant if he and I could even be friends. We can't, I guess. I think that he is afraid to face the truth. He made a son and he needs to help. This is my last post where I whine and complain. I went to church this morning and feel better spiritually. I know that I can face anything even if I face it by myself. It is and always will be HIS loss. I am blessed. Have a good day everyone..... And once again, thanks for listening.

Hi friends,
I'm going to take a two or three day off from blogging. I have so much that I need to think about and decide. I need to decide if I want to try and pursue child support or if I should just leave it alone. I KNOW that I could get it but is it really worth all the hassle? Anyway, lots of stuff to think about and deal with. I'll see you soon. Share your toys, no fighting and I love all of you. Later gater.

IN THE DEPTH OF WINTER,
I FINALLY LEARNED
THAT WITHIN ME
THERE LAY AN
INVINCIBLE SUMMER.
Albert Camus

I love this quotation. Last night I was very sad. Sad and Lonely and just wanted to be held. But I wasn't and this morning came anyway. If we are very lucky, it always does. Most of us have had pain. Horrible gut wrenching pain. The kind that makes you doubt that you can take another breath. The kind that brings you to your knees. You are very blessed if you haven't had pain. Pain is a strange thing whether physical or emotional. You question if you ever want to wake up again but you do. Then something strange happens. The pain gets better. You never forget the person or the event BUT it doesn't seem to be as sharp and jagged. In the midst of the bleakest, blackest winter, summer comes.

Melissa went to sleep forever 33 years ago tomorrow. She would be 35 years old if she had lived. She was two years old, had black curly hair and blue, blue eyes. She loved " Green Eggs and Ham" and KNEW when you skipped a part. She always had to have two of everything so "they wouldn't get lonely"..In the last week of July of 1974, Melissa started running a fever. Her mom took her to the doctor and he said that she had a 'bug". He told her mom to take her home, give her baby aspirin and plenty of fluids. He said that she was a beautiful, healthy girl and would be fine. The next afternoon, she grew listless and her fever was worse. Her mom rushed her back to the doctor. This time they didn't say that she would be fine. They said to pray, that she had meningitis. Thirty three years ago, doctors just didn't know as much as they do now. They didn't have as good of medicines as they do now. They put her in a private room and her mom listened to the doctors and she prayed. Prayed until she was hoarse. Cried until there were no tears left. Begged and promised God everything, anything to save her baby. Her mom was pregnant with her brother then and he would be born in a couple of weeks. Her mom would rock Melissa in the rocking chair and pray for bOTH of her babies. That Melissa would live and her brother wouldn't get sick. One night very late, her mom was singing to her. " Hush a bye, don't you cry. Go to sleep my little baby. When you wake, you shall have all the pretty little horses" and Melissa took her last breath. Her mom screamed and sobbed and would not let them take her away.She begged Jesus to take her instead. Melissa was buried under a big tree that grows wisteria in the spring. Her mom will go to the cemetary tomorrow and talk to her. Take her flowers and tell her how much she loves her and misses her. She would be 35 years old.

The blogstream has been very warm and loving the last few days. The Captain and Taylor brought it to my attention and it has just spread.
We are supposed to name three people that have meant so much to us. That's almost impossible for me to do. There have been so many of you that have touched my heart. I came here about as depressed as I have ever been. I had been betrayed HORRIBLY and maliciously by someone that I thought was my oldest friend and by the man that I was deeply in love with. I had been to another blog site and poured out my heart and written things for months. This man sent copies of those things to "my friend" for reasons that only he knows. I came here wounded and heartbroken. I was afraid to bare my heart and I was afraid to trust anyone. The very first day here, I was welcomed by Randy and Kirsten. They made me feel wanted and they made me laugh. Gina and I became friends and even talked on the phone. Dixie took time out of her busy life to send me sometng special in the mail. Chris has always "had my back" and made me feel protected. Sherry makes me laugh with her cats. CM, Katie, Mouse, POH and June have held my hand across the miles.Sherry makes me smile with her cats. I am learning to love Fancie,Heidi, Coloconnect, Nursey, Grandpa, Belle, Secret, Cavtrooper, SammyJo and so many more. Whit encourages me to use my mind and I have a secret crush on Chris and Bry. A few of you know something that is going on in my life and have NOT betrayed me. Unbelievable ! AZRON spreads the word of God and Cracker makes me smile. I should NOT have started naming names. I am terrified that I have left someone off that means so much to me. Lulublue, Madie, Sybil all matter to my life. Hailey, Raspberry Toast and Angie are my sisters in pain. We know how things feel that no one should know. In other words, this is my place of refuge. A place that I can come and bear my soul and not feel judged. THAT, to me, is a miracle. I can't forget Nightingale ( Sharon), my sister of the heart. Keeper of my secrets and dreams for over 30 years.Someone that I wish would post more because she has a gift for words. All of you are special to me. All of you are loved. Thank You.